This post is going to be completely uncut.
I’m not editing it or changing the flow. (I did proofread though, js.) I’ve typed it up and I’m pressing publish, just so it’s real and you get the vibes I was feeling and just what was going on in my head, which you’ll be able to see as it’s a little jumbled. I hope you enjoy reading.
Recently, I haven’t been posting much on my blog. I’ve been swarmed with coursework and assignments and also had no wifi for 10 days. I was feeling frustrated and spent all of my time doing my assignments because I didn’t want to leave it until the night before to start it like I did last year. It’s my second year of uni and I want to do well this year as the grade I get this year counts.
Anyway, recently I’ve been telling my friends and family I don’t want to blog anymore. As I grew up, did I really want everyone to know what I was feeling all the time? Did I really want all my thoughts and my whole ‘life story’ to be on the internet where they’d be forever? I mean, there are so many people in my real life circle that don’t even know about it yet, did I want to keep this going? What did I even want to get out of blogging? I was really confused as to whether I should quit after almost a year’s worth of hard work being put into this thing or whether I should carry on. So I left it and thought I’d think about it another time.
I did think about it, and I began to panic. One of the main reasons why I started blogging in the first place was because I wanted something there ‘ready’ for me once I’d graduated university, so I wasn’t completely thrown in the deep end. I honestly think that every student should do something/take part in a project (for want of a better word) during their time at university so that once they graduate, they’ll already have something there, waiting. I don’t mean everyone should start a business or a blog or something, I mean like doing an internship/placement so they have some experience and a clearer sense of what they want to do as they’ve actually experienced a part of it or – basically, what I’m trying to say, is that I believe all students should do something other than study and socialise when they’re at uni, just to ‘create a bridge’ from themselves as a student and the real world.
During this dilemma, someone asked me what I wanted to do after university and it hit me. I was back where I always was, having absolutely no clue what I wanted to do when I grew up. After thinking about it, I told them I wanted to be a writer, because that is what I really want to do.
I think I let the pressure get to me. I was in love with the ‘idea’ of doing reviews etc, as that’s something ‘real bloggers’ do, but then I was quickly realising I had to actually try out these products and actually review them, and state my honest opinion. It was getting too much. I’d never reviewed any products on my blog and all of a sudden they were coming in at once. There are products I’ve been meaning to review for months, that I just haven’t had the chance to, yet, and I was slowly letting it build up. My coursework was my priority and that was building up, too, so I put my blog to the back of my brain and I worked on doing well at university.
I got some of my grades back and (thank God) I had done alright and I was actually happy with my grades. They weren’t the best, but they they were an improvement from last year as I was actually putting time into my work and making an effort, instead of doing everything the night before.
Now, I was telling one of my friends that I wanted to stop blogging, because it was getting on top of me, and she reminded me that it was a hobby. I mean, yes, in the future, I’d love to be able to make a living out of my blog, but right now, it’s a hobby and has the potential to become something else if I continue to work hard on it. And she was right. It reminded me that it’s okay if I don’t post frequently. It’s okay if I miss a post day. Of course, I’m trying to get my blog off the ground, but I think I’m doing okay.
I think that as we see everywhere that being a successful blogger means posting frequently and consistently and making time to promote, take pictures, etc, when we miss one of these things, like if we miss a post day, we feel like we’ve taken ten steps backwards, as we’re moving backwards and then we feel like we’re doomed. (Soz for being dramatic.) That’s not the case at all.
Another thing that helped me to realise this is that a while ago I read a post on annoying thing’s bloggers do, and one of them was constantly apologising for not posting on time, and just constantly apologising, when in reality, no-one had even noticed. Okay, you might think this was a little harsh, but it made something inside my click. I knew I was always apologising for not posting on time and usually I wouldn’t let something like this get to me (tbh, it didn’t ‘get to me’ in that way), but it made me want to see what would actually happen if I stopped apologising, so I stopped. And she was right, it didn’t matter. I’m not trying to get a pity party, or say that my blog should be the absolute number 1 priority on everyone’s minds (well….just kidding), I’m just saying that my blog is my hobby, it’s my writing and in the future if I decide to make it professional, it’ll be my choice (so many my’s, right?!).
When I first started blogging, I didn’t read anything online about ‘what a blogger should be like’. I didn’t read any (or at least I don’t think I did) posts on ‘how to be a blogger’ or ‘5 million things bloggers should do’ or ‘if you don’t do this you’re a fake blogger’ – okay, you get it – and all I did was freestyle. I wrote the way I wanted to (which is probably why my first couple of posts are so awkwaaaard), I wrote about whatever I wanted to, I took my pictures the way I wanted to and I posted whenever the heck I wanted to. I had no rules and I was taking everything as it came. Now, in the past (almost) year, of course, my writing style has developed (thankfully) and my photography skills have gotten better (I hope), but I guess I kind of subconsciously decided that if I didn’t post on these set days or this many times a week, then I was dong it all wrong. Probably because we see everywhere that ‘good’ bloggers ‘have’ to post frequently and anyone that doesn’t isn’t a good blogger.
I know most bloggers do apologise for not posting on time, and, of course, so did I, and that’s not a bad thing. But if you’re constantly apologising for not blogging as much because you have deadlines (like me), then just know it’s okay. No-one is going to be mad, and if they are, you just have to remember that it’s your blog and you make the rules.
Btw, obviously, I know that there are more and more bloggers coming around every day, which is one of the reasons why most people want to up their content and be professional, along with the fact that they want their blog to be successful (yeah, being professional would probably be a good thing…) but in this post I’m not going to go into that, as this is is just how I’ve been feeling recently. If I sound unprofessional, then it’s because my blog isn’t my job. 1 Week Mary is something I do because it makes me happy, and hopefully, it makes people reading it happy and you can relate to it in ways or it might motivate you or make you laugh when you’re feeling a little down.
So, yeah, where was I? Oh yeah, I just hit 10,000 views on my blog, and it hit me right here that there was absolutely no way I wanted to quit blogging. When I realised I had hit 10,ooo, I had tears in my eyes and I felt a genuine sense of something real, and that something was a mixture of feelings that I can’t quite put a word on, but trust me when I say that I was, and I am, happy. I’ve been blogging for almost a year and I’ve never been committed to something for so long, the longest job I’ve ever had has been a few months, but the fact that my blog has been there for nearly a year just fills me with joy. I feel as if I’ve accomplished something and it genuinely makes me filled with joy. A year. 10,000 views. It’s all numbers from the outside, but when looking from the inside, I promise you, it’s not just numbers.
When I tweeted that I had hit 10,000 blog views, I was instantly hit with love and support and congratulations. So many people were happy for me and what 1 Week Mary has achieved. I know I usually joke a lot and don’t talk about my feelings etc a lot (especially in person) and that I’m getting wayyyy too deep right now, but I honestly am so grateful and happy right now. I don’t want to quit blogging. I absolutely love blogging. I love the community, the support, every time someone says they liked a post of mine or that they love my blog (screams inside) I genuinely get shocked, like this is just me. The fact that the things I write can make someone happy is one of the best things in the whole entire world.
So, yeah, if you’re still reading then thank you, I know this was a little long! And to anyone who has ever supported me or my blog in any way, shape or form, from liking a post, to commenting, to tweeting me, or anyone who has played a part in my life, no matter how small, thank you so, so much. I wouldn’t be the person that I am today without you, so once again, thank you.
Btw, I’m aware I haven’t just woke a Grammy or anything. but this is how I’m feeling right now and I wanted to share that here and say a big thank you. I couldn’t have done any of this without you and your support!
I thought I wanted to quit blogging, but I was wrong. It’s a part of me now.
Soooooo much love,
1 Week Mary x