Yeah, I keep banging on about my birthday. Well, now it’s gone & I’m 20. I’ll never be a teenager again blah blah *insert repetitiveness here about how I’m so upset I’ll never be a teenager again*.

I need to be harder on myself. I’m too lenient with myself, I literally need to grow the heck up.

I need to stand up for myself.

I need to work on myself.

I need to depend on myself.

I need to believe in myself.

Now I know this post is different to all the other posts I’ve done, it’s not very positive either, & that may be due the fact that my eyes are struggling to stay open, it’s 1am & I’m absolutely knackered, but I’m an adult now. In fact I ‘technically’ became an adult a while ago, but I never actually became an adult.

I need to stop using the same old excuses & telling myself I’ll never stop being a kid because, okay fair enough I can always have a laugh and goof around, but I need to become more serious. I need to become more mature.

I’m not a little kid anymore & I don’t always want to have to run to Mummy for help, I should know how to stand up to people & face problems on my own.

99% of the time I’m completely fine but when that 1% comes, it comes full on, at 90mph. And that 1% isn’t a nice thing to have, I want rid of it & it’s up to me to do that. There’s going to have to be no more depending on others, I’m going to have to stand on my own two feet & when I disagree with something or feel as if something’s unfair, I have to say it.

It’s literally only now that I’m feeling like this, I haven’t felt like this in a while & I probably won’t for a while, but I thought I’d let it all out of the system whilst it’s here, as writing brings clarity. There’s something about seeing things on paper/on the screen that makes it all clear; you have to thinkย what you’re going to write & what the problem actually is & what the heck you’re actually going to do about it.

Those of you that know me will know that I’m a happy, bubbly kinda person (most of the time) & am really pleased with how far I’ve come. 99.9999% of the time I literally don’t care at all what people think of me, as I’ve learnt that it really is irrelevant.ย But it’s times like these at 1am on a Thursday night/Friday morning where I feel as if all that paranoia & feeling of being lost has risen from the dark shadows from my time at high school and has come to say hey. The creep.

I like to laugh, I like to have fun & I don’t take life seriously. That’s been working well for me so far, but hasn’t been making me feel 100%. So I guess I’m going to have to try something new.

I think it’s time to kick out the immaturity & take some responsibility for the first time in my life.

There’s no point in me acting like a child & then saying “I know it’s my own fault, I shouldn’t have done it”, because *news flash* you’re right girl, you shouldn’t have. Yes, we all make mistakes which we learn from but not being able to stand up for yourself – hmm, is that really a mistake? Or is that just something I need to work on & should be able to do right now?

I need to stop playing the victim & stop taking on too much & stop getting stressed out and procrastinating because I have too much to do.

No, I need to do it. I need to get organised, I need to start praying, which I should have been doing anyway, I need to take responsibility & then I need to do what’s best for me.

And then I probably need to realise that I’d never speak to someone the way I’ve just spoken to myself in this post. And then I need to stop being too hard on myself & just build up my own confidence & believe that I can.

And then I probably need to go to sleep.

But, yeah, anyway, I’ll never everย stop laughing (hopefully).

So kids, the moral of the story is this: when you’re tired, go to sleep.

Like I said, I’m extremely tired right now, so if this seems jumbled, I can assure you, it’s the way it’s meant to be – I’ve just typed it up & I’m pressing publish.

What have some of your biggest hurdles/challenges been when it comes to growing up? And how are you dealing with them?

1 Week Mary x


7 thoughts on “IT’S TIME TO GROW UP

    1. I think the ‘adult’ feeling will come some time soon, just not as harshly as we expected it to, it’ll be more like ‘you can still have fun, just pay bills too’๐Ÿ˜‚ yesss we definitely can! Thanks for commenting xx

  1. This was such a cute post from the eyes of a 20 year old, I remember those days too! You have a really great, strong and determined mindset, most of which A LOT of 20 year olds don’t have, so that in itself is VERY mature of you. No need to be hard on yourself though! Turning into an adult doesn’t happen over night with the flip of a switch, with time you live and you learn and through great experience is how you become an adult ๐Ÿ™‚ Still go out there and be your happy bubbly self and have fun but just be responsible!!!

    xo, JJ

    1. Thank you SO much! It means so much to hear that as I’ve always thought I’m extremely immature, I know I shouldn’t be too hard on myself, I think it was just at this time I was feeling low. It definitely takes longer than we all thought when we were younger & I completely agree with you. Thank you for the advice & for your comment as a whole, it’s so nice to be reminded of these things sometimes. And yesss, I think that’s exactly what I need to do; have fun etc but just be responsible too ๐Ÿ˜€ thanks lovely xxxxx

  2. I have 2 children and I still wonder if I’m ready to be THAT adult at 26 years old and responsible for the lives of others. Is anyone ever ready to grow up really? Do we ever want to look in the mirror in 30 years, feeling 20 something still and seeing the face of an adult we didn’t realise we had become looking back at us?

    I don’t think we should ever lose our sense of youth or fun or silly, it keeps us sane in a very insane world! Plus, it helps me to play with the kids without feeling like a complete idiot LOL.

    I have started new habits – writing in my dairy every night before bed, trying to wake up a little earlier to say a prayer before the day starts and forcing some me time every day.

    I think you would like my most recent blog post but here’s a few relevant sentences from it: I am learning to laugh more, stress less, let go often and remain positive as much as I can. I will practice saying โ€œnoโ€,
    Show myself kindness, compassion and unconditional love. I am my best friend, Iโ€™m proud of Me. I will be true to myself, my wants and needs, each and every day.

    Sorry for the long ass comment!!!

    Emmie xo

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