November 9th 2016 will be my 20th birthday. I thought it fitting I say a proper goodbye to my teenage years as I close one chapter and open the next, so I wrote a letter to my ‘teenage’ self (from the years of around 9 – 19, so basically the last 10 years or so). I hope you enjoy reading!
How are you? I hope you’re okay. I know things get tough for you sometimes and I know you don’t always find it easy to locate what the actual cause of your sadness is. But that’s okay. I want you to know that everything is going to be okay. It’s all going to get better and your dreams will come true. God will listen to your prayers and they’ll come true, too. You’ll have lots of friends, some who you won’t end up speaking to anymore, and some that you will be so grateful for. Don’t worry about the ones that you fall out with and end up not being friends with any more, they all taught you something about yourself and you’re a better person for it.
Try not to worry so much. Instead of getting angry and shouting all the time, I wish you’d see that all those things didn’t matter, and you’re better than the person you were made to feel. You have so much love and support around you and that will still be there in the future.
As for you now, you’re on a train to London right now all by your self! I know, how scary! You’ve been blogging for almost 10 months now and guess what, people actually read what you have to say! I bet you never saw that coming. Right now, you’ve learnt to accept yourself for the way that you are and you’re living life for you now, you’ve given up caring about what other people think about you and there are even people that find you funny! You talk a lot more now and you’re finding out who you want to be and what you want to do.
Oh, I forgot to tell you that the reason that you’re on a train to London is because you’re at university there now. I know, how cool is that! You even managed to make friends when you didn’t know a single person at your university. You don’t surround yourself with drama anymore, and you’re fine when you don’t know about the latest gossip, it doesn’t interest you as much anymore.
You passed your driving test and even drove Z’s car home! Oh yeah, Z is 21 now (isn’t that crazy!) and she’s going to be 22. And J has just turned 18 now and he’s even at university, too! You’re all growing up together and you’re all at university now, wow.
You and M don’t fight all the time any more, in fact you’ve become inseparable. You’re best friends and everyone knows it; you’re like sisters and everyone knows that whenever you get together you just laugh and laugh and laugh.
You’ve even had a job and made friends there, too! You worked in a call centre and you actually enjoyed speaking to people all day. In fact, you and Z were 2 of the best employees there. You’ve even worked at Primark and got yourself and Z locked inside when it had closed, but you don’t need to know about that…Just kidding, Mum, Dad and J were just outside, and you managed to find the security guard who opened the door for you all and let you all out.
There are still things that you’re working on, but the amount you worried and stressed over small things was really bad for you. As for being angry all the time, I know why you were, but when you grow up you’ll realise you were going about things the wrong way.
You’ll end up going back to your primary school to do some work experience and will get to see all your old teachers; Ms Parnell is the deputy head now, isn’t that mad! As for your high school teachers, those that you used to annoy and claim you didn’t like, you’ll realise later, they were actually your favourite teachers and you’ll really, really appreciate them to this day.
A few of your friends will be married in a few years time, and will even have chidren!! You’re all growing up and you’re still in touch; you’re growing up together. Oh, and let me set one thing straight; remember when you thought being 20 was old and that people had everything all sorted by then? You’ll realise in a few years just how wrong you were. You’ll be in the process of ‘growing up’ but you’ll still be a big kid at heart.
What else? Well, you won’t be in the EU any more, but let’s not worry about that.
You’ll eventually stop trying to please people all the time and you’ll stop being ‘too nice’ once you see that people took advantage of you. But you’re still a nice person (even if I do say so myself). And you’ll eventually stop trying too hard. You’ll realise that those small things don’t matter, you’ll realise that you actually LOVE being different to everyone else, and you’ll carry on doing things differently. You’ll be happy.
You’ve got so, so much to thank God for and even if you don’t realise it now, you’re being blessed in sooooo many different ways every single day. Even the bad turned out to be blessings in disguise, because without them, you wouldn’t be where you are in the future, nearing 20, sat in London as a qualified Master Coach, just about to upload a video on to YouTube. You’d never have guessed it, would you? You learnt from your mistakes and still, to this day, you’re learning.
You know what, you’re doing amazingly, you just didn’t realise it yet. But you will.
Reading this back, I seriously felt like that little girl again & that someone else was telling me all this when I was 9. If you haven’t already, I seriously recommend writing a letter to your younger self, trust me. It might be just what you need. *cries*
Sorry for the sadness, but I honestly feel like I’ve (at least, partly) faced my younger self, who I’ve always been so scared of facing or even thinking about.
Thank you for reading.
1 Week Mary x